so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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