i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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