tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize