Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
