atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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