Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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