I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
nutella sex= disaster
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I need a hoe opinion
go on
as a side note pls kill me
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
