the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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