she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
