it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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