Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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