But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
