Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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