Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
