How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
