im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Randomize
