did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
