I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
