seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
