I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
