You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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