and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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