he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
