he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Randomize
