he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
