i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
