seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
