some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
