my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
