I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
