I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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