I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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