Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
