My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
it's great music for shaving your balls
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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