DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
