He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
