You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
