I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
