3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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