im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
