So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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