just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
