so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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