I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
