ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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