i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
