When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
