Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
