i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
