We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
its liver damage thursday
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
