grandma shit on top of the toilet
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
