What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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