somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
