your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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