I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
how does that bad decision feel?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
