Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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