I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
