I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You pole danced in your parka.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Randomize
