A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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