??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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