I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
