I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
