Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
