A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
