he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
