U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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