I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
