I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You smell like a Billy Joel song
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
