Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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