I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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