theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
