so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I have fence marks all over my body
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
